i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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