I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass