Church boner. Awkwardddd
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?