I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
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