So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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