i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you had me at cake vodka
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize