Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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