just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
