it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
