worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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