love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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