So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
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last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
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Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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