also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
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