In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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