I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
