There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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