covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
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I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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