I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT