Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"