I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...