the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
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i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.