I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.