whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.