I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy