he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize