One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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