ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
