never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.