haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid