Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone