I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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