He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize