the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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