How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
