Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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