help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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