It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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