I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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