Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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