What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
