I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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