i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS