I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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