are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
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sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
that is very illegal...i love you.
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