woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately