My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
