he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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