I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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