I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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