i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
