nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Less talking, more tequila
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize