I wanna bring you to show and tell
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
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He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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