you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
This house was built for laser tag.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
