im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
They took my balls.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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