i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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