I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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