it wasn't lemon gatorade
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
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Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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