ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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