Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
