I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
